


disintegration

by nearlymidnight



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, F/F, Recreational Drug Use, based on the club scene in 2.04, but also sad soft Villanelle, so much angst...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 13:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18942361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nearlymidnight/pseuds/nearlymidnight
Summary: Eve that shows up at the club that night instead of Konstantin.





	disintegration

The flicker of blue lights hummed through her as the sweet sedation trickled through her body, a welcome cure for the despair that had coursed through her veins earlier that evening, settling it's venomous seeds deep in her gut. She had gone out looking for a consolation prize, someone to dull the thoughts of the woman that plagued her every waking moment; the promise of synthetic bliss called to her like a siren song. 

From the corner of her eye she spotted someone that looked like  _ her _ but younger, less attractive, more inexperienced, and the fire she coveted in the older women. She mustered a hungry smile her way, hoping she would be a suitable replacement for tonight, only to be met with look of apathy that made her throat close. 

Itching for another hit of sedation, she desperately pried the plastic bag open once again. One had not been enough, she could still  _ feel _ , could still feel her lungs fight against ragged breaths that threatened to turn into sobs, waiting for her to let her guard down. 

Her head spun as desperation started crawling up her throat, making her feel as if she she was slowly drowning.

This had happened before when she had let herself drown in her obsession for Anna . The name alone brought new wave of sorrow. It had all gone wrong then too, she had fallen too hard, let her obsession and infatuation take over. She had lost control. She had seen what she thought was love in Anna's eyes; whenever she looked at her, sought her out, held her in her arms during her most vulnerable moments. Maybe it hadn't been love after all, maybe it had been kindness, something so rare in her life it had made her fall for the older woman. She had beautiful back then too, had never stopped being beautiful, even after the last drops of life left her eyes as she fired the gun under her own chin. She replayed that moment over in her head, the moment she had lost Anna once again, and how similar it had felt to the day Anna had looked at her like a monster instead of the shy girl that had walked into her classroom one fateful day. 

And now there was Eve. 

Eve, who had been obsessively chasing her for months, who had admitted she thought about her constantly... who had stabbed her at her most vulnerable moment. 

She pressed her fingers to her temples, frustrated at herself for losing control of her emotions once again, for truly thinking Eve would show up. She had fooled herself into believing, once again, that someone wanted with her the same way she’d wanted them. Tears spilled down her cheek, anger and raw emotion taking hold of her muddled brain.

All she could feel was betrayal; she had been betrayed by her feelings, by Eve, by Anna. She couldn’t comprehend what she had done wrong this time, she had kept Eve safe, had not killed her husband, had asked for forgiveness for killing her friend, and even then Eve had failed to show up, had decided to prioritize someone,  _ something, _ else over her.

The second hit of ecstasy was finally taking its desired effect, making her feel farther away from her body and dulling the agony she craved to rid herself from. 

It could have been seconds, minutes, hours, after her last coherent thought that she felt something grip her arm. Too unfocused, too out of touch, she let the clamp on her arm guide her away from the music, from the other bodies around her and the steady soothing drum of the lights. She could feel her instinct tugging at the corner of her brain, asking,  _ pleading, _ to take over, to fight this unknown threat guiding her around the club.

Instinct quickly took over as she felt herself turn around at a speed that challenged her balance. Her right hand automatically engaged with the throat in front of her as she lifted the shorter figure off the ground, slamming it against the grimy club wall. 

She heard a distant call, a semblance of her name, as her eyes started to focus on the person in front of her, the big eyes, curly hair, the blue jacket.

_ Eve. _

She saw the scared look in the eyes staring back at her and felt herself relax her hand before something inside her sparked rage, making her rethink her actions and tightening her grip once again.

"Villanelle--," Eve called out once again over the thumping bass line. 

“No,” she hissed, pressing her hand tighter on throat at her fingertips. 

She saw as panic filled every curve in Eve's face, her mouth gasping for air as she banged her entire body against the wall a second time. She shook her head in an attempt to force some clarity into her spinning mind. 

A sinister smile tugged the corners of her lips as she watched Eve struggle underneath her, her nails scratching at the hand holding her in place.

“Please…,” she attempted once again.

“ _ You _ were the one that didn’t come,” she heard herself say. “ _ You  _ were the one that decided I wasn’t worth your time anymore, that  _ she _ was now worth your attentions. So now it is my turn to take what I want.”

A flicker of understanding flashed through Eve’s dwindling eyes and before her brain could make sense of it she felt a tentative hand on her cheek, softly cupping her face.

She froze as she felt the air rush out of her lungs. She felt her legs give out, forcing her to let go of Eve, knees hitting the hard concrete below as her body crumbled to the ground.

A heart wrenching sob escaped her, followed by another, as unimaginable grief took over every inch of her body.

She felt helpless, completely and utterly broken, unable to comprehend the gravity of the sadness she was feeling. Control had not been something that she let go of easily, not after Anna, not after understanding that no one could ever truly love her for who she was, for  _ what _ she was. Eve had given her a renewed sense of hope that there could be someone out there that was capable of finding the darkness inside her desirable.  

Strong arms wrapped around her body and lifted her wracking body slowly, promising comfort and stability. Without a word, Eve guided her gently out of the club, down the glowing red streets of Amsterdam until they reached a small building at the corner of an uncharacteristically calm intersection.

The sound of her heels echoed down the hallway to the small room, where Eve placed her carefully on the bed. She felt the bed dip as Eve climbed on the bed behind her, slowly pulling her closer to her on the bed and laying her down in front of own small body. She felt a hand brush through her hair, down her arm, and back up again in a soothing motion.

“Everything’s okay,” Eve hummed tenderly, pressing a small kiss to the back of her head. 

Small hiccups made their way to her throat as her sobs subsided.  She blinked, once, twice, reveling in the touch of the woman holding her tightly, before letting sleep take over her tired body.

* * *

The morning light pricked at her eyes through the small crack in the curtains, nudging her awake. 

Nausea hit her first, making her eyes fly open, followed closely by a pounding headache. Little by little the events of the night before came flashing forward as her brain struggled to wake.

_ Eve _

She turned as quickly as her body would allow, searching for the face of the woman that had sent her spiraling out of control the evening prior, only to find herself all alone.

She sighed as she forced herself to sit up, wondering if her desperation had made her hallucinate Eve, and started towards the bathroom immediately noticing two pills on a napkin, “ _ these will help _ ” written hastily below where they sat.

Another sigh shuddered through her as she caught her reflection in the mirror, tears welling up in her eyes, threatening to bring all the sorrow she had struggled with hours prior back to the forefront.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> It is past midnight and all my brain power went to finishing up this fic. but a great big thank you to everyone who got through to the end of this fic!


End file.
